Bisexuality: "Both, not either"

Meet Lauren - from Swansea, aged 26, and works as a Learning & Development Specialist. Let's talk about bisexuality!

This story is part of our LGBTQ+ Stories of Wales collection - curated by, with, and for Wales' LGBTQ+ community. See more of the collection here, and submit your own contribution here.

I think I always knew I was different. I just didn’t have a name for it, or the belief that I could exist outside the mould people expected me to fit into.

At school, I had crushes on girls and boys. But fear has a way of narrowing your world. My fear led me to only pursue boys openly. It felt safer and simpler. More acceptable. At home, I didn’t have the language or the space to explore it either. My dad wasn’t someone who chose his words carefully, and I remember clearly how unaccepting he could be. Even if those words are directed at you, they do land. They stick. So I learned to carry it quietly.

For a long time I wrestled with where I fit. When I was dating a man, I didn’t feel “bi enough.” When I was dating a woman, I felt the weight of an imagined judgement, as if people were waiting to question me, to pounce - “she’s not really gay.” It’s hard to describe just how uncomfortable that space can be when you’re still learning to accept yourself. It’s like standing in the middle of two rooms, never quite feeling allowed to fully enter either one.

But my story isn’t one of loneliness.

Despite that internal tug-of-war, I have built a great life. I’ve found my people. A mix of family, friends, and chosen family who don’t just accept me, but affirm me. People who make space for me to exist exactly as I am, without needing me to explain or justify it.

Now, I have a wonderful fiancé, great friends, a job I enjoy, and colleagues who create a genuinely supportive, pro-LGBTQ+ environment. Those things matter more than I can fully put into words.

There’s still a part of me that lives in the middle, but I’ve come to understand that “the middle” isn’t something to fix. It’s just another place to stand.

The people around me have helped me see that it’s okay not to have everything neatly defined. It’s okay to question who you are, at any age. In fact, it’s human. Our identities, our feelings, our sexuality aren’t static. They shift, they grow with us and they surprise us.

And don’t think that’s something we should fear, I firmly believe it’s something to celebrate.

If you’re struggling to understand who you are, it’s valid to feel isolated or alone. But there are likely countless people in the world feeling the very same way. If I could offer anything to my younger self, it would be the confidence to go out and find her people a little sooner.

Thank you to Lauren for sharing your story!

If you are interested in contributing your own story to our collection, you can share videos or written contributions to info@itgetsbetter.org.uk. You can find our story collection on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, or podcast, and here on our blog.